The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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