Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
