just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
