I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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