I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
