So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
