the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
