Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
