I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
