her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
