accomplished twins. life is a go
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
