and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize