Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
