four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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