forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
