Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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