just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
