I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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