these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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