never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
