what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
