Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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