i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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