I bet he comes in French.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
