I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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