I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize