I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
