You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
