Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he shaved USA in his pubs
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize