Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
