everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
