i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
