Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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