Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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