Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
