And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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