we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
