There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
