I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize