bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
