hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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