I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
