I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
