My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize