Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
