Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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