You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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