Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
