The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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