Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize