its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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