I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
