i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
