I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh god it's open bar.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
