im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
