y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
