I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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