hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize