I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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