I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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