I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
