As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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