Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
