You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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