Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We left the knife in your bed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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