rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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