hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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