yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
