It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
