Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
