Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
