Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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