He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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