margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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