i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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