she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
