Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
